And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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