If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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