it hurts more in the daytime
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
