Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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