look no pants
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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