therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
