Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So much rum. So many feels.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
