I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
