I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize