I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
false alarm, still single
Randomize
