"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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