i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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