just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
