I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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