I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
