So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
