just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
