apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
