im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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