Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
