Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
