Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
