The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
