if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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