What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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