i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
