I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
