im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
