I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
