We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
