i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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