i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
