Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
