Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
