So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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