my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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