my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
