So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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