come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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