I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
