Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let's get the cat blown out
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
