The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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