There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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