Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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