i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
