Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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