this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you never un-have a 4some
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
