If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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