yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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