In the future we'll all be gay
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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