I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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