Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
