I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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