Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize