she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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