dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
