pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
