so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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