god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
