it hurts more in the daytime
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
