Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
