ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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