You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
