somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
