TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
