it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
