Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
