I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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