I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
