drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
