it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
