when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
