did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
