So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
