i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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